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Jane Bluestein authored one of my favorite parenti

Jane Bluestein authored one of my favorite parenting books titled - Parents in a Pressure Cooker. If you're raising teens, I'd highly recommend this book! In it she illustrates how critical it is to validate and acknowledge teens feelings and experiences; this advice translates to people of all ages.

If we judge our teenagers or friends or spouses response to a situation in their life as too dramatic or overblown, chances are they will feel unseen, dismissed and "corrected."

On the flip side if we can simply validate their experience as true for them, regardless of our opinion, they will most likely feel seen and loved. The validation approach cultivates connection and creates an environment where people of all ages feel safer to open up vulnerably.
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#intentionalrelationships #relationshipgoals #relationships #relationshipcoach #relationships101 #realloveinmarriage #realloveinparenting #activelistening #proactiverelationships #selfworth #selfwork #selfgrowth #realationshiptools #selfimprovement #relationshipimprovement #selfworthjourney #balancedlivingwithleah #choosejoy #feelfreefeed #meetthemoment #seekthesimplicity

Religion often teaches that when we do the “righ

Religion often teaches that when we do the “right” things and prove ourselves in certain ways, only then will we be worthy of earthly blessings or eligible for heaven.

In Mormonism we are taught to prove and demonstrate our worthiness through a series of rituals - baptism, priesthood ordination, passing the sacrament, going on a mission, getting married in the temple, seminary attendance and graduation, worthiness interviews, temple attendance, duty to keep our kids active in the church, etc...

The notion that we came to earth to be born into or find “the right” religion to then prove our obedience to that religion, in the right way, throughout our lives...this ideology doesn’t align with conscious parenting (it actually doesn’t align with the concept of free will either).

In the conscious parenting paradigm, we begin with the belief that all humans are born into this world completely whole and fully worthy already. It’s amazing how that one foundational difference has the power to change everything.
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#parentingjourney #parentingtips #parenting #parentingskills #parentingsupport #parentlife #positiveparenting #positiveparentingstrategies #positiveparentingskills #positiveparentingcoach #navigatingparenting #consciousparenting #consciousparentingtools #consciousparentingcoach #consciousparents #intrinsicmotivation #postmormonparenting #parentingaftermormonism #lifestyleaftermormonism #formermormon #balancedlivingwithleah #partnershipparenting

This upcoming series SUPPORTIVE vs. UNSUPPORTIVE s

This upcoming series SUPPORTIVE vs. UNSUPPORTIVE self talk, is derived from my experience in coaching clients through faith transitions.

What we say to ourselves, in our own heads, dramatically impacts our lived experience, especially as we face unexpected upheavals and transitions.

Becoming aware of our inner talk, and how it affects us, is a powerful first step making self-compassionate choices.
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#lifetransition #aftermormonism #mormontransformation #mormontransition #mormons #faithtransition #lifechange #mormontransitionsupport #mormontransitioncoach #lds #exmormon #thoughtfultransition #transitiontools #relationshiptools #navigatingfaithtransitions #newjourney #thebestisyettocome #balancedlivignwithleah #mormonstories #lifetransitions #transitionscoach #findhealing #healingispossible

One of the most important components of the Active

One of the most important components of the Active Listening process is acknowledgement and validation. Learning to genuinely acknowledge and validate others’ feelings and experiences is a powerful game-changer in relationships!

In my upcoming Dismissive vs. Validating response series, I'll be sharing some reframed responses that align with this Active Listening principle.
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#intentionalrelationships #relationshipgoals #relationships #relationshipcoach #relationships101 #realloveinmarriage #realloveinparenting #activelistening #proactiverelationships #selfworth #selfwork #selfgrowth #realationshiptools #selfimprovement #relationshipimprovement #selfworthjourney #balancedlivingwithleah #choosejoy #feelfreefeed #meetthemoment #seekthesimplicity

Let me be clear, in our home, we DO have some non-

Let me be clear, in our home, we DO have some non-negotiables, however regardless of what may or may not change in terms of household rules and expectations, creating a safe environment for kids to share feelings can be valuable either way.

Parents may feel threatened by their kids strong opinions, especially if they are in opposition to what the parent(s) want or feel is best. Even when the decision remains the same, children feel seen and valued as we are open to hearing their viewpoints.
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#parentingjourney #parentingtips #parenting #parentingskills #parentingsupport #parentlife #positiveparenting #positiveparentingstrategies #positiveparentingskills #positiveparentingcoach #navigatingparenting #consciousparenting #consciousparentingtools #consciousparentingcoach #consciousparents #intrinsicmotivation #postmormonparenting #parentingaftermormonism #lifestyleaftermormonism #formermormon #balancedlivingwithleah #partnershipparenting

This upcoming series SUPPORTIVE vs. UNSUPPORTIVE s

This upcoming series SUPPORTIVE vs. UNSUPPORTIVE self talk, is derived from my experience in coaching clients through faith transitions.

What we silently say to ourselves, in our own heads, has a dramatic effect on our life experience, especially as we face unexpected upheavals and transitions.

Becoming aware of our inner critic, and how it affects us, is a powerful first step as we make self-compassionate changes.
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#lifetransition #aftermormonism #mormontransformation #mormontransition #mormons #faithtransition #lifechange #mormontransitionsupport #mormontransitioncoach #lds #exmormon #thoughtfultransition #transitiontools #relationshiptools #navigatingfaithtransitions #newjourney #thebestisyettocome #balancedlivignwithleah #mormonstories #lifetransitions #transitionscoach #findhealing #healingispossible

I’m wondering how parents out there are holding

I’m wondering how parents out there are holding up? What have you found has helped you navigate the long days and weeks and now a whole year with less structure? I’d love to hear!
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Something that’s worked well for our younger kids during this pandemic phase is our “daily 5” system. Kids who want to have screen time (aside from virtual school), complete certain daily activities such as reading, physical movement, daily contributions and their music/dance/signing practice.
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These daily action items offer a framework in which they can independently structure their day. They can choose to do their “daily 5” or not, however, kids who do want screen time can be amazingly self-driven and proactive, wink.
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#parentingjourney #parentingtips #parenting #parentingskills #parentingsupport #parentlife #positiveparenting #positiveparentingstrategies #positiveparentingskills #positiveparentingcoach #navigatingparenting #consciousparenting #consciousparentingtools #consciousparentingcoach #consciousparents #intrinsicmotivation #postmormonparenting #parentingaftermormonism #lifestyleaftermormonism #formermormon #balancedlivingwithleah

Here's the thing - who we are, our value and worth

Here's the thing - who we are, our value and worth, is independent from the approval of others. Equanimity (mental calmness) and lasting joy comes from peace we cultivate within ourselves, by self-acceptance, self-compassion and aligning with our individual values. Cheers to raising children who can stand independently regardless of the approval from others.
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#parentingjourney #parentingtips #parenting #parentingskills #parentingsupport #parentlife #positiveparenting #positiveparentingstrategies #positiveparentingskills #positiveparentingcoach #navigatingparenting #consciousparenting #consciousparentingtools #consciousparentingcoach #consciousparents #intrinsicmotivation #postmormonparenting #parentingaftermormonism #lifestyleaftermormonism #formermormon #balancedlivingwithleah #ipreview via @preview.app

You may feel terrified to be honest about how hard

You may feel terrified to be honest about how hard this transition is because of what you once thought about others who’d “fallen away.” Of course they would feel sad and depressed right? After all, they left the only “true church.”

So you know that if you open up about how painful this is to believing family and friends, they may think what you once thought and dismiss your feelings and experiences because you’ve been “misled/misguided/fooled” or are under the “influence of Satan.”

I hear you, and I have two thoughts:

1. Don't open up to people who aren't safe. (see relationship guidepost series for ideas about what "safe" looks like)

2. You don't have to talk about why you are leaving the church to be able to talk about your feelings.

Sharing feelings with a believing family member or friend may sound like:

"It hurts a lot to feel that I've fallen from grace in the eyes of people whom I love when I actually feel that I’ve never been more aligned with my values."

"It's hard to feel like no one wants to know about why I am making these decisions. I feel lonely during this hard time."

"It's painful for me when leaders I've trusted my whole life don't feel trustworthy anymore."

"I based my biggest life decisions on a plan that wasn't my own, and that is feeling heavy and hard for me."

"It is heartbreaking to share with our children what we’ve learned, but even more hurtful to know that many loved ones negatively judge our decision to be honest with them."
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#lifetransition #aftermormonism #mormontransformation #mormontransition #mormons #faithtransition #lifechange #mormontransitionsupport #mormontransitioncoach #lds #exmormon #thoughtfultransition #transitiontools #relationshiptools #navigatingfaithtransitions #newjourney #thebestisyettocome #balancedlivignwithleah #mormonstories #lifecoachingtips #selflovecoach #lifecoachlife #lifecoachforwomen #lifetransformation #ipreview via @preview.app

Being real with others when it's safe creates conn

Being real with others when it's safe creates connection. Being real with others when isn’t unsafe creates possible contention and pain.
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When someone shares a feeling:

*Do you jump into solution mode to solve it for them?

*Do you tell them if they should or should not feel that way?

*Do you stop them to respond to a text or take a call?

*Do you immediately respond by sharing your feelings?

*Do you tell them what they should have done to avoid that feeling?

*Do you feel irritated, threatened or defensive?

If so, chances are others will not feel safe sharing with you.

When someone shares a feeling:

*Do you ask additional questions to gain greater clarity about how they are feeling?

*Do you acknowledge what they have said before moving into your response?

*Do you avoid labeling their feelings as good/bad or right/wrong and value that they are simply real for that person?

*Do you ask if they are wanting some ideas about a solution before jumping in to offer one?

*Do you feel present, open and curious?
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If so, chances are others will feel safe sharing with you.
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All humans have big feelings and big struggles. They will have them wether or not you are safe enough to know. The greatest shot we have at cultivating closer, safer, more authentic relationships, is being safe to open up to, and being wise about who we open up to.
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#familyfirst #intentionalrelationships #relationshipgoals #relationships #relationshipcoach #relationships101 #realloveinmarriage #realloveinparenting #activelistening #proactiverelationships #selfworth #selfwork #selfgrowth #realationshiptools #selfimprovement #relationshipimprovement #selfworthjourney #balancedlivingwithleah #ipreview via @preview.app

Two of my girls fought throughout the morning toda

Two of my girls fought throughout the morning today. At lunchtime I stepped in to support them in the active listening process. I watched as empathy eventually streamed out of their eyes, in the form of tears, as they took the time to understand the other.
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They both, independently, offered a sincere apology along with sharing what they’ll do in the future, when similar situations arise.
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Had I rushed in with scolding, as I’ve done more times than I want to admit, I I would’ve robbed them of tuning into themselves, their relationship values and their problem-solving skills.
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Growing humans are brilliant in their own right. They are wise beyond what we can grasp. Taking the time to help them explore how they want to show up in their lives is a powerful process.
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#parentingjourney #parentingtips #parenting #parentingskills #parentingsupport #parentlife #positiveparenting #positiveparentingstrategies #positiveparentingskills #positiveparentingcoach #navigatingparenting #consciousparenting #consciousparentingtools #consciousparentingcoach #consciousparents #intrinsicmotivation #postmormonparenting #parentingaftermormonism #lifestyleaftermormonism #formermormon #balancedlivingwithleah #ipreview via @preview.app

When we were in coaching with @margidehlin and @jo

When we were in coaching with @margidehlin and @johndehlin, they taught us about the levels of vulnerability scale and it was a game changer! We learned to assess our relationships on a scale from 1 - 5, with level 1 being someone who is the least safe to be vulnerable with, and level 5 being the most safe. (Check out the relationship guidepost series on this account for safety indicators in relationships).
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In a future series I’ll share more about how to harness the power of intentional engagement using the vulnerability scale concept.
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As you begin to share your journey consider:
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- Finding safe people to process your transition with.

- Unapologetically sharing your journey in spaces and relationships that feel right for you.

- Finding safe communities of support to participate in.

- Remember that your journey can lift, inspire and support others who are going through it.
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For a list of support online communities, click on the link in my bio, then click on 'resource library' link, then click on the Online Support Communities page.
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#lifetransition #aftermormonism #mormontransformation #mormontransition #mormons #faithtransition #lifechange #mormontransitionsupport #mormontransitioncoach #lds #exmormon #thoughtfultransition #transitiontools #relationshiptools #navigatingfaithtransitions #newjourney #thebestisyettocome #balancedlivignwithleah #mormonstories #ipreview via @preview.app

When something unexpected happens in a relationshi

When something unexpected happens in a relationship, do we automatically assume the worst, or do we pause to consider that we may not have all the information? That we actually might not understand the circumstances or reasoning yet?
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Immediately jumping to unfavorable assumptions says more about the fragility of our own ego and inner landscape than about the other persons' decision. What if we pressed the "pause button," and assumed the best so that we can show up with curiosity when we check in?
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Checking in for clarity may sound like:

*can you help me understand how you were feeling when you...

*can you help me understand from your perspective why you...

*are you open to sharing with me why you decided to...

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Checking in after assuming the worst may sound like:

*why on earth would you...

*did you even think for one second before you...

*I can't believe you thought I'd be okay with...
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One approach often leads to the fight or flight response, while the other can promote a feeling of compassion and understanding, which leads us towards connection.
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#intentionalrelationships #relationshipgoals #relationships #relationshipcoach #relationships101 #realloveinmarriage #realloveinparenting #activelistening #proactiverelationships #selfworth #selfwork #selfgrowth #realationshiptools #selfimprovement #relationshipimprovement #selfworthjourney #balancedlivingwithleah #relationshipscoach #assumethebest #seethebestinothers #checkins

External authority parenting example: • “These

External authority parenting example:
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“These grades are simply not going to work! You have got to try harder and get better grades if you ever want to get into college. From now on you can’t hang out with any friends until I have checked that all of your homework is complete everyday. You need to change this.”

VS.

Internal authority parenting example:
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“You’ve shared how important it is to you to get into college. I am wondering what things you are considering as you work towards this goal? I can tell that this is really important to you. When you put your mind to something, you sure work hard. Is there something I can do to support you in your efforts?”
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#parentingjourney #parentingtips #parenting #parentingskills #parentingsupport #parentlife #positiveparenting #positiveparentingstrategies #positiveparentingskills #positiveparentingcoach #navigatingparenting #consciousparenting #consciousparentingtools #consciousparentingcoach #consciousparents #intrinsicmotivation #postmormonparenting #parentingaftermormonism #lifestyleaftermormonism #formermormon #balancedlivingwithleah #intrinsicmotivation

Signs that you may want to scale back your vulnera

Signs that you may want to scale back your vulnerability with someone:
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- Your spiritual autonomy is perceived as a threat to them.

- Your feelings are turned into a story about the other person, their frustration, their disappointment, their pain.

- Your vulnerability leads to feelings of rejection instead of connection.

- You feel that the only way to keep the peace in the relationship is to hide your true self.

- Your vulnerability leads to being lectured, fixed or "set straight."
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During a faith transition we may come face-to-face with the reality that the very people whom we so desperately want to be SEEN and HEARD and LOVED by, may not currently have the capacity.
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Healthy relationships do not require people to abandon themselves, or hide parts of themselves. Being intentional about how we open up in vulnerability, and with whom, can alleviate unnecessary suffering.
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"People can only encounter us as deeply, as honestly, and as intimately as they have learned to encounter themselves." Sara Kuburic
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#lifetransition #aftermormonism #mormontransformation #mormontransition #mormons #faithtransition #lifechange #mormontransitionsupport #mormontransitioncoach #lds #exmormon #thoughtfultransition #transitiontools #relationshiptools #navigatingfaithtransitions #newjourney #thebestisyettocome #balancedlivignwithleah #vulnerability #safeconversations #opencommunications #intentionalcommunication

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